Blurrrgghh.

I think I know best from all that I've learnt
but that's my youth talking, I have to grow up.
Everybody's dreams are all dying, from the first day
but I can't get too confident nor hide away.
I'm too cocky and stubborn and I know too much
but whats the alternative, how do I trust
that you know what I want and how to be happy
when you already convinced I think
of you lastly.





Its so hard to talk to someone who isn't there
to ask for advice and to show that you care.
Love is a beautiful mangled crash
of glee and sadness and flesh.
I'm not moving, not going anywhere
it hurts when you say I make you scared.
I speak my thoughts I share my fears
I've never been afraid to bleed
I'm not afraid to do it alone.

I get told the right way,
the wrong way,
the best way,
by people who don't know
what it is to be happy.
Look at everyone running.
No point. No reason,
just lost and fighting, floundering
against a a current
in sea that's not there.

How do I find meaning
in a world so confusing,
when people keep dying
for no particular reason
and you keep assuming
I want to be fighting.
I can take all the blame, and the guilt
and the sorrow but what i fear most
is the regret you still haven't felt.

I fight for my reasons
because they're the ones I sought out.
The ones I've discovered
through happiness and doubt.
I'm not saying I'm right and I'm not scared to be wrong,
My life is a bittersweet
string of flights and crashes and throng.
Feeling the burn and the hope
the tears and the laughter
when you hide away
nothing comes after.

Why do you run?
I'm not pushing you away.
I'm just not the man
you formed in your head.
So while you pine
for a person you've created
you miss all the moments
and focus on your sadness instead,
so ready and waiting
to be devastated.

I'm not a monster, abusive or foul
maybe a loser wanting
and trying to win and learn
to grow and play and find my bliss
without a handbook,
instructions or experience.
If I don't stand for what I feel and it all falls apart
I want to be able to get up and start
all over again with hard lessons I've learnt
failure is not an end, it's opportunities that weren't.
I'm excited to fail, and push and persevere
you focus on your failures
with the clarity of history
and rather than move on
you hold onto self-pity.

Why don't you fight to be in my life?
Why is it just dissapointment
and strife. Why is it so easy
for you to give up
on something that's not broken
because you decided
I dont show enough love.
I don't know how to do that, I've stopped feeling at all.

So I sit all alone.
Once again,
just me
and my thoughts
and the guilt
and the smile
that forms on my face
because i have nothing left
but to get up and brush myself off.

Life is not fair
and then you are buried
surrounded by people
that are so ready to frenzy
to the next step,
the next goal,
the next paycheck,
the next moment,
that is over too quickly.

We could've done it together
but I grew up alone and I still feel this way
but now I feel sad when I think of
the long talks
we should be having
to figure out
why things don't go as planned.
We no longer celebrate and laugh
at ourselves or our friends
You gave that all up
for your depression.
You gave it all up
for something that
never existed.

I'm not trying to hurt you
but you are crying again
for something I said or didn't
for a way I feel or an emotion
I shared. It's all about you and
how you have failed, you're so focused
on the happy ending and how to be better.
There is no way to act but to live as ourselves
You hate yourself for no reason, all that you've done
and wallow in the comfort of an unappreciative son.

I'm going to be happy because
I'm happy right now
It's too late to change
and I like the way I am.
I'm grateful for all that you've given up
but I can't keep apologizing
and hiding
and taking your hits
and letting you act
like I'm never enough.