The scarf method of sustaining relationships.

Damn it, I feel like Oprah right now!

Back in the good old days of two months ago I had a life coach who was guiding me through the massive changes I was making to my life at that point. The very last lesson she taught me was a method of sustaining professional relationships known simply as SCARF. This may come across as a new age self help diatribe but the intention is pure, I promise you. I think that any new method can only add to your skill set, take what you need from it, and leave the rest to the hippies.

The  SCARF approach is a form of relationship review that enables you to see the ways you may or may not be contributing to a relationships success. If the classic "it is who you know, not what you know" still applies then it is well worth it looking into.

SCARF is an acronym - surprise, you did not see that coming, did you? You thought it was a magical fashion accessory passed down through a long line of proud middle management families. It is not and I apologize because there are magical pieces of clothing that give you superpowers but this post is not about them.

These are not magic either, they made to look like boobs.

Before we delve into the life altering effects of the hidden meanings of 5 alphabetic letters that conveniently make a word, we have to understand a standard principle of human psychology and it concerns motivation. The brain has two settings when it comes to action - either you are motivated or you are not. Motivating people means they respect your authority, they like being around you and they will always take a little extra time when helping you out. Demotivating people is the opposite in meaning but not in action. When you demotivate somebody their response to your requests will be pure apathy. To explain this further a demotivated person won't be excited that you have just set your hair alight but they won't be running to find a fire extinguisher either.

Going further I will use real life examples displayed by the worst manager I have come across in my short existence. Bear in mind that I have had a multitude of jobs in different positions and have worked for every stereotype imaginable. The director of the college I studied at was a proud and tyrannical beast with a penchant for Scottish wit and a completely unrealistic view of people. He made my life excruciatingly difficult and I have absolutely no regard for his advice or authority. I would not hold so little regard for him if he hadn't thrown the two people I started a successful catering company with out of his school for apparently personal and archaic reasons. This analogy will be known as the Martin principle.

S - Status 

Status refers to a persons self worth or their perception of the size of the contribution they are able to make and is easily confused with ego or social power. It boils down to self worth and confidence. If you can make a person feel more confident in their abilities you can increase their status. If you disagree with everything they say because they are Mormon and don't trust them, you are decreasing their status. If you take five minutes to personally acknowldege the contributions they have made you will increase their status. This is not about complimenting people for the sake of making them happy but recognizing worth when it right in front of you.

Martin Principle: Every idea or method of approaching a problem was met with complete disdain.. I was head of a group planning the very first Golf Day for the college and thought it would be easier if I made the budget available online so that it was always in easy reach of my group members. I got a foreboding warning that I have "re-invented" budgeting and that he misses when students used good ol' pen and paper. I started emailing him instead of having direct contact from that point on. Another example is a proposal I had written for a Movember fund raiser which is an international organisation that creates awareness for testicular cancer. I handed him a fully typed proposal complete with financials and he simply took the packet and threw it down at my feet. He did not even bother listening to any explanation but was appalled that I would approach him with such nonsense.

C- Certainty.

Easy as pie, certainty refers to whether or not you have actually conveyed exactly what you are expecting and how you would like it to be done. Managers so often forget that although they are all powerful their underlings do not have the same access to information and training as them. Demotivation occurs when the only instruction an employee receives is " do a good job and don't get fired." This leaves a massive hole of understanding that impedes any action. "What do you consider a good job, how do I accomplish that, what will get me fired?" are all questions you as a manager just left unanswered.

Martin Principle: I had indicated on my second day of college that in order to pay back my student loans I would have to work an extra few days every couple of months. My request was honest and was a last resort compromise between the college and my employers. I was offered many options by my employers and they actively worked around my schedule. I was told by the Martin that I would be able to take those days. A few months later I was in a complete bind and approached the school concerning the arrangement that had already been agreed upon. I happily worked five days driving a camper van down the coast for a couple completing a mountain bike race. Two days later I had an official warning against my name and my parents had been called because of my untrustworthiness,. I actually cried in front of the Martins wife at the unfairness of it all and was still labelled a delinquent.

A- Autonomy

The next as a manager comes down to the space you are willing to let your employees work in. There are probably very specific ways of getting the job done in time but then their are also plenty of ways that you as a manager have not thought of yet. It is easy to demotivate somebody by combining the demotivation of uncertainty with that of micro management. If you hand over all the monthly reports and ask the underling to "do the accounting" and then complain about the way he used excel you are a bastard and should stop. The mere fact that you have given the underling a task means he will try accomplish it in the best and timeliest fashion, i just found out timeliest is a word - hell yea English. Give them the room to discover how to do that and  intervene when their good intentions go awry.

Martin Principle: Basically everything that arised from original thought was seen as an unprovoked attack on his personality. After all he had been through, how dare I try a different method. This issue mainly concerned the use of technology. I as a new generation social media whore that was familiar with the positive attributes of a blog. As a result I started a class blog for the enjoyment of thirty people and would contribute a significant amount of time ensuring my class had constant updates and new material to view. Once discovering my blog he was incredibly disappointied because in a single post, out of the more than a hundred posted by then, I had told the class that I love them like my family. "How can you say you love people", he asked with horror on his face. I bit my tongue and told him I would not mention the college by name from then on. The blog went onto have more than a 1000 individual views a month but it was still a massive pain in his ass.

I always have time for Managerial venn diagrams, don't you?

R - Relatedness

As a manager it is your duty to remember important facts about people that work for you. Yes I know it is very annoying and you have ten trillion things to do but also you can understand how demotivating it is to arrive at work and put in a full day and then blow your birthday candle out by yourself. This is not some technique either it is frikken human decency. As a manager the advice is to at least have a conversation to try understand your staff. It isn't that difficult, next time Susie is late ask her why. Maybe she had to take two trains and leaves three hours before you do. It is all just a little understanding.

Martin Principle.
My best friend in the world studied with me at college. Half way through the first year she developed a chronic and life changing condition that forced her to change her entire lifestyle and endure surgery every few months. Martin did not hede any notice and took the fact that she was sick for so many days as a form of personal insult. While she was recovering from having a section of her intestine removed he was publicly contemplating why she did not have a "work ethic". What he did not understand was the damage he was doing to his own character. Everybody knew what was happeing to my friend and every time he complained about her absenteeism, my colleagues asked themselves if he would be disappointed if they died, because he would no longer have a full class.

F- Fairness 

In the broad spectrum of managerial life do you treat everybody equally or do you reserve your best for the people that look sort of like you? Do you have different punishments for different individuals based on their social  proximity to you? Let iit be known that everybody is counting straws and feels hard done by when you let one go and when to drown another. Fairness is equality.

MArtin Principle: I felt early on that he had taken a special interest in me simply because people kept being astonished by the amount of times I had been called into his office. The main issue was the absenteeism related to work. Their were members of my class that were working as well that I do no recall ever being reprimanded for missing class. I was reprimanded for going out to lunch instead of eating at the college. C'mon Mr Martin? I bid you a farewll and hope you never have a say in my personal life ever again. Au Revoir. :)